Coan - my resemblance

Many said - Sobhan looks like me, including ma, my sister and my brothers. They said 'Coan ni fotostat kakok'. Why do I call her Coan? Her name is Sobhan. I know its pretty weird, sounds like a male name. But, the name was in the female name section when abang looked for the name in that 'nama-nama yang baik di dalam islam' (more or less - tak ingat la the title of the book).


When she was born, abang really wanted to name her Sobhan. I disagreed. Honestly speaking, I didn't like the name (at first) though the meaning is good - Pretty face. I told abang it wasn't fair. He has named the first child. I should name the 2nd one. Then he asked me to write few names on different piece of papers and he wrote only 1 name - Sobhan. All papers were folded. He asked me to choose. 1st time, I chose Sobhan. 2nd time, still Sobhan was elected. I wasn't satisfied. I chose again and still Sobhan. Mungkin itulah kehendak Allah... I had to agree then and now I think the name suits her well.


My siblings made a joke about the name. Susah la nak sebut. Nanti orang panggil Sob... sob apa? sop tulang... Then ma suggested to call her 'Coan'. At first we didn't like it. After a while, we start to call her Coan. Her friends called her Coan. Her teacher called her Coan and I think people know her better as Coan than Sobhan. At her new school (in Al Jubail), she spelled her name as COAN. The teacher kept correcting her. When she came back, she asked me 'ummi kenapa cikgu buat macam ni' I told her 'Memang la nama Coan yang sebenar Sobhan. Coan tu nama ummi panggil aje'. Though it was difficult for her to adjust (since she's only 5), she managed to remember her name is Sobhan.


Coan is indeed a very 'manja' girl. She used to be like kakak (Sophea) who will go 'gesel gesel' like a cat to you when her 'mood' comes (like kakak or like me? Masa kecil, I always did that to mok. the proof was the picture yang ayah ambil... kat k3m@m@n la tapinya). Caretaker kat nursery always remember her as a 'manja girl'. She's also friendly. The teachers selalu cerita pasal Coan. Coan did this, Coan did that. Coan kacau anak orang. Coan tak nak belajar... macam macam...


When she was 4, Coan attended to the same kindergarten that Sophea attended. One of the teacher didn't know Coan was Sophea's sister. She thought 'Coan' was a chinese girl. She said 'diorang dok cerita coan, coan... saya pelik.. ada ke budak cina kat sini.. baru lah saya tahu rupanya Coan ni adik Sophea....'


I was pregnant to Coan when Sophea was abot 11 months. It was 4 months after I resigned from my HR Exec post and moved to Ku@nt@n (to be with my hunnybunny). We didn't plan the pregnancy at all. It happened. An 'accident' that hurt me a little me coz I had a C-Sec before. The advice is usually to gap the pregnancy at least 2 years after the C-Sec. But I got pregnant after 11 months! I was scared and a bit stressed. I wasn't ready to take care of a new baby (it was still in the womb though) when my first was only 11 months. Pity Sophea. Tak dapat manja lebih lebih. May be that is why she always compare herself to Coan before and Shahmey now...


Alhamdulillah, besides the mixed feelings, I managed to go through the pregnancy. When the doctor told us, 'its a girl', still I was hoping for a miracle. But not that much. I thought, 'okay jugak kalau girl. boleh la pakai baju2 Sophea masa kecil... tak payah nak beli banyak sangat baju baru'. And it turned out that we didn't bought many new outfits for her. Kesian la pulak my 2nd daughter ni... Tapi after coming back from KMC, I went to purchase some more baju for her...


Hmmm, I haven't write about the 'moment' yet. History repeats itself. Due to the baby size calculation, I should be due on 16 March 2002. Abang's friend hold a wedding ceremony (sambut menantu) in KT on the 15 March 2002. Since a week before that, the doctor said, 'the baby is not yet closed to the openings' we decided to go to KT. We wanted to leave Sophea with ma at K3m@m@n. So, on 14 March, we went back to K3m@m@n and overnight there. Early morning on the 15 March, I felt pain on my back. The same pain on 17th July 2000. I told abang about it. Abang asked me whether I think its okay to go to KT. I said 'entahlah bang' Then he decided not to go. So, we went to another friend's house (he's also going to KT) and passed the wedding present.


Leaving Sophea with ma, we rushed to KMC. Dr Z did internal check up and told me, 'not yet. Still high. You balik la dulu. Kalau sakit lebih kerap, then datang.' Oh well oh well... I had the same experience before and I think I wanted to stay. I told the doctor, 'Saya rasa saya nak duduk ward la doctor.' The doctor showed one kind of face (Agaknya dia fikir, budak ni tak percaya kat aku la ni. I'm the doctor or yourself?) That was what I thought because she kept saying, 'lambat lagi. Lagipun rumah you dekat aje kan...'. I still insisted to stay. Reluctantly (its not because she had to pay for my bill but may be because I didn't agree with what she had suggested), she said 'okay, saya akan minta nurse arrange a room for you'


It was about 11am. The 'ghesa' kept coming. I stayed in the ward doing nothing (doctor kata lambat lagi kan. Takde la dia nak letak air ke, ubat ke...) Of course abang was there with me (keluar masuk la jugak once in a while). The pain came more often. At about 1.30pm, I felt like going to toilet. When I p**, there was blood together with my urine. I remember ma told me, 'tanda nak bersalin ada 2. Satu, ketuban pecah, satu lagi keluar darah. Kalau tanda darah, sakit sikit nak bersalin'. I knew its the sign! Wah wah... since the sign is different from Sophea, it must be a boy!! hehehe, I thought (Despite the scan that shows 'its female' duhhhh!!!).


I press the button for the nurse. When she came, I told her, there was blood in my urine. She checked and confirmed the opening was already 2cm! (Orang cakap dah nak bersalin tak percaya... I said to myself). She went to see the doctor and came back. She told me to wait till a few more openings. It was about 7pm that the nursed brought me to the deilvery room (since I requested to have a normal delivery).


I was really in pain. A severe one. Only God Knows... I kept asking the doctor to give me pain killers, oxygen or whatever it was to reduce the pain. When the nurse gave me morphine (I think its morphine that cause me really dorwsy), I was like a bit sleepy. It lasted only a while. The pain came again but the opening has stopped. A longggg stop. Stucked at 7cm until 12 midnight. Dr H told me, 'Saya bagi you peluang sampai 1 pagi. Kalau tak buka lagi, kita kena operate. Kalau buka 1cm je lagi, saya boleh forcep.'


It was 1 am but the opening was only 7cm. Ya Allah, I know it's gonna be another C-Sec, I thought. Yes, indeed, the doctor has arranged for the anesthetician to come, already at 12am. But, I didn't know what made the anesthetician took so long to come. The operation was supposed to be at 1am. But, due to the lateness, I had to wait, in pain of course.


They already prepared me for the C-Sec. I waited at the waiting room with abang. How can I describe myself then. I was like a fish being caught. A fish laid on the land (struggle in the worst pain in my life). I held abang's hand tight, really tight. My nails left blooded wound on his hand, in which I didn't realize at all. Pity him.


The pain made me to push (macam sakit nak ber@k. kan rasa nak teran aje). When nurses saw me pushing, they came and said 'kak jangan teran kan. nanti bengkak' the hell! First, I didn't know (even until now actually) what's gonna be 'bengkak' (swollen). 2ndly, they were very young and I doubt they have even get married. Of couse, they were not yet pregnant. How could they feel the pain that I went through.


Dr H came and told me, 'kita tunggu Dr A aje sekarang ni. dah lama saya call dia tapi tak sampai lagi. Sabar kejap ye' Oh yessss... I'm waiting and I'm waiting in pain...


Finally Dr A came! They pushed me to the OT (Operation Theater). Dr A came and talked to me (while he was holding my wrist to inject me with the anesthetic). I only remember an injection was given and after a while, I felt really sleepy. I was awake (still can't open my eyes though) when the nurses transferred me to my bed in my room. I could hear them talking to each other but felt very weak. It was about 4am.


I could only open my eyes about an hour after that. I saw abang. I remember asking abang the time. He said, we had another girl and she was delivered at 2.21am. The weight was 3.03kg. Hmmm.. Only 0.03kg more than Sophea. Sophea was born at 8.05am with a weight of 3.00kg. I managed to grin. Takpelah, I thought. Alhamdulillah... girl pun okay...


This time, I didn't eat ikan haruan anymore. Abang bought me pati ikan haruan. Also, I ate the them in tablet form. I went through the 'pantang period' in my 'not-so-pantang' style. Heheheheee....