Sunday, December 21, 2008

Coan yang berlenggeng..

Kalau Ummi, Ummi kata, sexy. Tapi kalau Abah, dia kata, berlenggeng! Orang lain sejuk dalam rumah tapi Coan dengan selamba saja boleh pakai baju sleeveless. Tapi yang bestnya, Coan rajin pakai stoking! Ummi rasa, bukan sebab sejuk tapi sebab nak nampak anggun. Betul tak? Memang pun. Apa yang Coan buat sekarang, mesti sebab nak nampak cantik.

Bila sikat rambut, Coan tak suka cara Ummi sikat. Coan mesti belah lebih sikit dan biarkan rambut berjurai kebawah. Bila Ummi kata "serabut lah.." Coan kata, "takpe.. cantik!". Banyak kali Abah sakat nak potong rambut Coan dan semestinya maggie, Coan memang marah. Maklumlah Abah pernah tersalah potong sampai rupa macam lelaki anak Ummi hehehee..

Satu benda yang Ummi puji sikit, Coan lebih rajin layan Shahmey. Mungkin sebab Coan ni berjiwa lembut sikit. Jadi, boleh tahan dengan Shahmey yang agak keras tu. Cumanya, bila Shahmey buat Coan, Coan pun datang mengadu kat Ummi. Biasanya, Ummi ambik tak kisah pun sebab Ummi tahu, ada masanya, Coan suka ambik barang yang Shahmey tengah pegang.. :)

Monday, December 15, 2008

My 2nd child who likes to look pretty!

She is Ummi and Abah's 2nd child. Oh well.. we heard of the 2nd child sydrome. Sometimes, we don't agree with it but sometimes, we have to agree. Among all, she's different especially on this.

Look at her! The way she smiles. Oh dear.. Coan, Ummi always wanted to capture the moment you're talking to the mirror. It looked like you're talking to someone else. Ummi can't stop laughing seeing you speaking in English (in which Ummni not sure whether you really understand what you're talking about!) to the mirror. With lipstick and heavy powder on your face, you look like a clown to me. But, you like it. You thought you look pretty!

Anyway, you're always adorable to us.. Ummi and Abah in your own special way :).

Sunday, November 30, 2008


She had a little school performance titled "A trip around the world" on last 25th November 2008. Ummi couldn't attend as Ummi was not sure whether parents were invited. Only on that evening that Ummi confirmed parents were actually invited. Since Abah was already in the school to pick Kakak up (Kakak had a practice on something), Ummi asked Abah to stay on.

Unfortunately, Abah didn't bring a camera to capture Coan's performance. When Coan came back with Abah and Kakak that evening, Ummi snapped a few pictures of Coan with the outfit prepared by the school for Coan. You look wild my dear darling :). Perhaps, Ummi would say you're a baby tiger since you're so skinny and small ;).

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Bila agaknya Coan nak stop berangan?

Setiap kali Ummi selesai solat, Ummi mesti duduk dan perhatikan Coan berangan depan cermin. Cakap sorang-sorang, pusing kiri, pusing kanan, gayakan rambut dan entah apa apa lagi yang Coan buat. Nak tergelak pun ada. Geram pun ada sebab bila dah mula berangan gitu, Coan pun lupa yang Coan tu ada homework yang tak siap.

Bezanya, kalau dulu Coan banyak guna words melayu, sekarang ni Coan cakap omputeh!!! Entah mana Coan dapat all the words, Ummi pun tak tau. No doubt, banyak grammar yang tak betul tapi tak kisahlah tu kan. Asalkan anak Ummi try to speak English :).

Satu yang Ummi geram, bila Ummi ajar Coan reading (baca story book yang teacher assigned), Coan selalu malas nak ulang. Kalau Coan kata, tak nak baca, Ummi terpaksalah naik suara tinggi. Yang lagi menggeramkan Ummi, Coan boleh buat tak kisah tu. Bila Ummi kata, kalau tak pandai membaca, nanti jadi peminta sedekah. Coan boleh kata "biar aje lah!!". Sakitnya telingat Ummi. Time tu yang Ummi rasa nak cubit aje.. tapi selalunya Ummi tak buat. Ummi akan cubit Coan kalau Coan buat nakal sangat-sangat seperti buat Shahmey menangis.

Alhamdulillah, Ummi tengok ada improvement dari segi reading tu. Mungkin teacher di sekolah banyak membantu Coan. Suasana tak stress seperti di sekolah lama. Cikgu-cikgu di sekolah baru ni lebih loving dan caring. Itulah yang Coan perlukan. Coan sentiasa nak orang pujuk, belai dan cakap lembut lembut. Eeeee... Ummi tak tahan betul... tapi itulah anak Ummi. Ummi kena terima lah kan..

Semoga Coan berjaya didalam ilmu dunia dan akhirat. Insyaallah...

Friday, November 7, 2008

Her first day of Primary 1

My dear,

You are shy when you meet someone new. You are even shy at school. Sometimes Ummi wonder the reason for you behaving that way. Was it Ummi? Ummi was behaving that way too when Ummi was small. To add to that, the English environment caused you to be more shy at school.

You were scared to let go of Abah's hand on your first day of school. But, you didn't cry like some other kids. That was really a relief to Ummi and Abah.

On the first day, when Abah went to send you off to your school teacher at the school playground, your friends were happy accepting you. They held your hands. Then, you were okay to be at school without Abah. Of course, you prefer playing than studying. That's always be you.

Ummi hope you will continue to like your school and your friends because that's the only way for you to love what you need to learn.

All the best to you my dear. I love you!!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

She is Sobhan!

If Abang said Coan resembles me quite a lot, I would be angry. Of course, I was angry because he meant it in a negative way. But, I actually kind of agree too especially when it comes to stubborness. She's quite stubborn, or if I want to put it nicer - firm hehee.. If she said she wanted something, she will surely get it. She used all kind of tricks to let Abah allow her to have the thing. Somehow her Abah gave in, most of the time.

A few days ago, she told us that she wanted to fast. Well, of course we were happy to listen to it. But, she didn't wake for sahur. She refused to.

When she woke up in the morning, she asked me whether she could take a bath. I actually didn't know that she wanted to fast. Then I asked her why she asked me that question. She told me she was fasting and wonder whether taking bath could break her fast. I said no. She bathed then.

At 11.30am, she told me she's thirsty. I convinced her to continue fasting. Instead, she went to the kitchen, open the fridge, took out watermelon drink, poured in a cup and drank! All immediately after she told me she was thirsty. Oh dear! You are really firm huh! You didn't care what Ummi said at all. I hope that was only temporary. I hope she will listen to me more when she gets older. Insyaallah...

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Goodbye to her tuition teacher

Shehnaaz is another tuition teacher for Coan. She was not a teacher but she likes to teach small kids in mastering the English language. At first she was reluctant but after we told her about Coan's problem, she agreed. She didn't promise anything but would try to help.

We noticed Coan improved a bit after going through a tuition class with her. At least, I didn't have to listen to Abang's scream and shout when Coan can't recognize a letter when she actually could memorize it earlier. Fooh!! What a challenge...

It wasn't long for Coan and Shehnaaz to have the session. I think it was only about 2 months (minus all absenteeism caused bu Coan!).

Shehnaaz's husband has got a job offer in Abu Dh@bi. The family would be going. It's good for the family actually since Abu Dh@bi is closer to India (their hometown). We went to say goodbye to the family a few days before they left.

Thank you Shehnaaz for being a good tutor for Coan. Your assistance is very much appreciated and remembered for the rest of her life...

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Milk before bed

Almost every night, she asked for milk (in a bottle) before going to bed. It was either fresh milk (she called it Dutch L@dy), formula milk (we bought from the store) or H0rlicks!

It is actually good for her but she always asked the milk the moment everyone was already in the room (ready to sleep). Quite troublesome to go to the kitchen making the milk (if its H0rlicks or formula) and pouring it into the bottle indeed. Most of the time, she didn't finish the milk. She would leave at about 2 oz, though she has requested to have a full bottle (and I have to abide to avoid her from keep nagging). Good thing was, she went herself and store it in the fridge. Of course, I had to instruct her to do that. Otherwise, she just left the milk besides her pillow (wet the pillow sometimes and she would complain of bantal ni busuk!!)

Coan stopped breastfeeding when she was 3 1/2 years old! Everytime I came home from workplace, she would always come to me and ask me to lay besides her and nyonyot hehehe... If its not me who insisted her to stop, she would continue breastfeeding until I don't know when. I had to put jadam - didn't work. Then I put salt - it worked when I said it was ubat.

Perhpas that was the reason why Coan was so pampered. She's been too long on breastfeeding. Since Shahmey is breastfeeding now, I have to make sure he won't be that long. Can I manage that? I hope so :)

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Coan = Le0n La1??

Heheheeee... Coan, Auntie Nass mesti suka ni. Auntie Nass ni sukaaa sangat Le0n La1 ni dulu tau. Ummi selalu temankan dia cari 'muka' Le0n La1 kat G1ant Seksyen 18 tu.. Kalau boleh, semua gambar Le0n La1, Auntie Nass nak beli. Betul tak nass?? *grin*

Saja suka-suka. Ummi takde kerja la ni. Hehehe...

Sobhan look alike meter

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Family history - Free family history

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

She's a year older...

Thank you Auntie Manje :)

Waiting for the bus on her birthday

Today in 2002, Coan was 1 day old. Since this year is 2008, she is 6 years and 1 day old. She was born on 16 March 2002 in Kuantan Medical Centre through a Caeserian delivery.

Yesterday, her lovely Abah has bought a Baskin Robbin Ice Cream cake for Coan to celebrate her birthday at school. I've prepared very cheap a few goody bags that contain drink and biscuits for her friends.

Since the pictures were taken using my camera by her teacher, the quality was not that good.

Today, my friend, Manje has emailed a very nice gift for Coan. I've posted the gift on this page (Manje, Coan kata, thank you Auntie Manje...)

Coan, Happy 6th Birthday to you. Ummi hope you will be anak solehah and always make Ummi and Abah happy. Ummi and Abah love you forever :)

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


I can't recall myself having had a dictation when I was 6 years old (in kindergarten). I could hardly knew A B C then. I remember the only thing that made me so excited to go to my kindergarten was the playground! We could play with the sand too... :).

Here, in Saudi (perhaps other places too), kids have to do dictation / spelling. Teachers would dictate the words and the kids will have to spell. It is a huge problem if the kids can't even read. If we can't read, how could we spell? It's really impossible.

What teachers did was, they asked the kids to memorize the words. Then, before dictation time, teachers would give kids all words that will be asked during the exam. That happened in Coan's school. Her tuition teacher, Ms Shehnaaz also did the same. The only different was, Coan had a 1 to 1 learning with Shehnaaz and 1 to many learning at school.

When Coan was in KG2 (she's in KG1 temporarily at the moment), her teacher taught her animals and their babies (ie: cat and kitten). Yesterday, when Shehnaaz dictate words to Coan, she made 1 mistake. Shehnaaz asked her to spell chick. Instead of spelling chick, she spelled hen! Look at the picture below. Perhaps, she had in mind that most of other animals are mothers. So, when Shehnaaz said chick, she taught of a mother of the chick which is hen!

Though she made a few mistakes, I noticed her improvement. Before this, she can't even spell even a word. Pity her. Her teacher always scolded her and put nasty remarks on her book like 'never learn???' and 'don't study???'. I am not bluffing when I put many question marks there. The teacher really treated her like a 15 years old student whereas she is just 6 years old.

I hope, she will keep improving herself so that I could transfer her back to KG2. Insyaallah...

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Another tuition for her...

Coan has started her 2nd tuition class 2 weeks ago. She has stopped going to Ms Laly's house since Ms Laly decided to take care of Coan in her class (KG1). Coan is supposed to be in KG2 buat she is put in KG1 which is 1 grade lower.

I'm not happy about this but I'm telling myself, if Coan can read soon enough, I'll transfer her back to KG2. The teacher in KG2 is not patient enough. She can't stand to see 1 of her students not being able to read. Instead of coaching, she suggested to down grade the student. So far, I could see a bit of improvement in Coan's performance. She could recognize letter now (she didn't really before).

Partly, it was our mistake too, I guess. She played a lot in her previous kindergarten. Also, her teacher just let her played around instead of sitting in the class and learned. At home, she didn't do her homework and I wasn't firm enough to make sure she did her homework. Oh well, too much regrets. Why should I? Pass is pass. We should move on, looking at the future.

So, I decided to send her to a new teacher. Her name is Shehnaaz, an Indian lady. She is not a school teacher but she teaches playschool in the morning. She teaches the kids to read and communicate. I guess that is what exactly Coan needs.

I hope and really pray Coan can improve this time. Shehnaaz just has 1 student in the evening - Coan. It'll be easier for her to coach Coan. We'll see her progress in a month time. Till then, Ummi is signing off...

Friday, February 22, 2008

not again...

Coan doesn't like this mask - nebulizer! It has been a few times that she had to put that thing on. Besides feel annoyed that she had to inhale a very strong fume, she can't watch her favorite cartoon series comfortably. Many times she grumbled,

"Ummi, Coan nak tengok tv!!" while trying to put the mask away. I had to convince and persuade her so that she put the mask back on. If I'm not mistaken, this is the 3rd time she had to use nebulizer. The first and 2nd time were total challenge to us (the parents!). She was small then. She struggled to put away the mask. Nurses had to wrap her using big blanket so that she wasn't able to move at all. I felt sorry for her but it was even pity if she had to suffer the pain.

It was much better now that she has grown up and listened to us. Though we had to lie a bit (like, its either an injection or nebuliser - of course she chose nebuliser). I hope Coan doesn't have to use nebulizer again in the future. I hope and I really pray for that...

Saturday, February 16, 2008

She was hospitalized :(

After the 3rd day of having high fever, abang and I brought Coan to the Mouwsat Hospital. Actually, she refused to go but we forced her to go. I was worried when Coan kept complaining of spinning head and stomach ache.

We reached hospital at about 11.30am but the registration process took me almost 1/2 hour though no other patient was there (talk about the lembapness of s@udis). We were directed to the doctor's room then. Dr Ftma was supposed to treat Coan. We waited in front of her clinic. It was opened. I could see there was 1 guy was talking to the doctor. I'm sure he's not a patient because Dr Ftma is a Paedetrician and the room was not shut. The man was too old to be a paedetric and if he was really required a doctor's treatment, the room should be shut.

Only after 15 minutes later, we were able to go in (Geram jugak rasa dengan doctor ni. Sanggup biarkan patient tunggu kat luar). We went in. Coan's body temperature was 39.6 C. Very high, told the doctor, though I thought it was not as high as last nights. That means, last night must have been 40 C or more!

Without any delay, Dr Ftma asked her nurse to insert a suppersitory inside Coan's b*tt. Then she said,

"3 days of high fever - it requires an admission"

Actually, I already suspected so when we were on the way to the hospital. The fever had been prolonged for 3 days. No doctor would let the patient go without admitting them in the hospital. A proper treatment should be given.

The nurse brought us to another counter - to register for the room/ward. The guy there was friendly though I think he is a S@udi too. After that, we went upstairs. The room was slightly small. The nurse told me all rooms were occupied. They would transfer us to a bigger room if there was one.

At about 8.00pm, I noticed the room next to ours was vacant - housekeeping lady was cleaning it. So, I asked the nurse to change room. Our visitors - Liza, As and their husbands helped us to move our stuff there.

Dah sihat sikit la ni - dah boleh gurau dengan Shahmey

Actually this is the 3rd time Coan was hospitalized. The first time was when she had a problem of Pneumonia Bronchitis. The second time was when she cut her tendon after falling from the toilet sink. No wonder Coan is scared of hospital. When thinking about hospital, she had to think of injections, water drip and not being able to move around which were totally different from Coan's liking.

We were there from 11 - 14 February 2008. It was not so nice experience though. The doctor has changed her antibiotic once. The first one was not strong enough I supposed.

Abah bought Mc Donald since Coan refused hospital food - Kakak joined too :)

Throughout the stay in the hospital, Coan's temperature was always up and downs. Sometimes it was high and sometimes it was low. She felt better but still complaining of headache sometimes.

Among many nurses, she's the most friendly to Coan.

Coan was not allowed to be discharged yet actually but we insisted. It has been 4 days and they kept repeating the same treatment. So, we decided to get those prescribed medicine and let Coan consume them at home (which I doubt Coan would take them).

According to the doctor, this kind of disease is normal and it always happen to the kids in Saudi. I decided to let Coan heal in a natural way since she has already treated in the hospital. I hope she is getting much better soon. Insyaallah..

Monday, February 4, 2008

after class tuition

Coan has already started her tuition for 2 days. The first day was on Saturday, 2nd February 2008. After her class, she had to wait for Ms Laly and went back with her since Ms Laly is her tuition teacher and she does the tuition at her house.

Ms Laly has a son who also goes to the same school as Coan. Her son, Danny is in KG1 while Coan is in KG2. But, Danny is slightly bigger (can I use bigger? hehee) and taller than Coan. Danny speaks English at home and of course if Coan needs to communicate with Danny, she needs to speak English too.

At the moment, Coan told me she learned ABC and 123 with Ms Laly. My Coan still doesn't recognize all alphabets yet. Well, sometimes she does but sometimes she doesn't. I'm sure there's a psychology explanation to that in which I've already forgotten (I must have trashed my Psych degree by the time I have kids... :P).

Coan also can't communicate in English that well (or can't at all?). It is even worse when she has an Indian teacher who speaks English with an Indian accent in class. I believe when she was trying to understand what the teacher said, she was not able to because she never listen to indian english before. She watched english cartoon and she did hear abang and myself communicated in english sometimes. The English that she listened so far is not the same as the english spoken by her teacher.

I hope the tuition could help to improve her study. Yes, I know its too early too send her for tuition (she's not even 6 yet!) but I'm worried so much about her performance. If she can't read and communicate well, she'll be left out. Pity my girl...

Ummi will always pray for your success my dear Coan. I love you...

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

We need to see the parents...

"She's very quiet"

"She didn't respond in class"

"She like to be alone"

"She didn't mix with the friends"

"When I asked her to go to the front, she didn't go"

"She can't read"

"She has communication problem"

"She cannot repeat words"

"But, she's good in Maths. No problem at all"

"She's good in artistic. she colors well"

"She copy things correctly"

That were what being told by Coan's teacher, Mrs Sm1th@. Yes, she is an 1nd1@n from 1nd1a. I could hardly understand her English. So, how could my Coan understand her?

"You should stress the importance of study hard to her, you know."

That came from the Vice Principle, Mrs Milhan. Yes, another 1ndi@n. Her English is much better but still I had to listen carefully to be able to undestand. Stress the importance of study hard? Coan is hardly 6 years old (she'll be 6 in March 16). Its time for her to have fun while learning. There is no major exam like UPSR, or PMR or even SPM (I don't know what exam that they have in here) yet. Besides, she was only 2 months in the school. The environment is alien to her.

That's what we (abang and I) told them (P, VP, Teacher). The lion face of the VP doesn't shows an educator look at all. She was rude. Really rude. While we were having the discussion, she went out. Then she came back and said something that 4 of us already discussed! What kind of teacher is that? Perhaps she forgot that she works in a private school. The students paid for her salary. I was annoyed, really annoyed but I didn't express it out. I was cool... Alhamdulillah... (hahahaaa... the female tiger is still sleeping)

The Principle? She just looked at us and gave suggestion how to help Coan. She didn't raise her voice but the VP did, with her fiery look. Ouch!! The look could kill a rat!

I agree my dear Coan may have some problem in English communication (blame it on us who rarely speak English at home) but how could the teacher be so pushy. Give her some time. She'll pick up soon. I believe so and I really hope so.

The VP and the teacher were hurried to go back (they took the school bus to go home. so, they couldn't afford to stay longer). After wrapping up the discussion, she said,

"Okay, thank you."

Then she left. Waaaa.... we haven't leave. What kind of business entity is this? The customers are still waiting and you, the provider left like that?

We waited there with the Principle. The principle told us that they just need to see the parents and update about our daughter's performance. Okay... good enough. Before this (last week, the VP told my husband the possibility to down grade Coan to KG 1. KG 1 is for 5 years old. Coan is in KG 2 now, for 6 years old)

When we raised the issue, we don't want Coan to be down graded, the Principle said,

"No... that's not what our concern is.."

Fair enough. If I'm not mistaken, that was when the VP left the room. The VP has told a different story to my husband before.

We have talked about it last night. We were thinking of changing my kids to a different school if today discussion is provoking. Luckily, it didn't. This year, they'll be in the same school. Next year, would be a different story.

We ended up thinking of giving a tuition for Coan. A different teacher who can teach her to read and communicate in English is needed, just to satisfy Mrs Sm1th@ and the VP! I could teach her but it won't be that effective since she's so 'manja' and I know she would not listen to me.

We'll see Coan. In 2 months time, Ummi really hope you improve a lot. Insyaallah...

Monday, January 21, 2008

14th June 2006


Silence... I was shocked. I tried to listen where was the noise came from. After a day at work, I went back home, laid my back on the bed while Kakak and Coan bathing in the toilet in my bedroom. It was okay a moment ago. They were gigling and laughing. I usually discouraged them to bathe together. But today, they insisted and I approved it. Though I didn't allow them, they always bathe together and so far, there were no problem at all. But today...

"Ummi!!! saaakit!!! saaakitnyaaaa!!! addduuuhhh!! ummiii!! sakittttttt!! addduuhhhhh!!!!

I quickly woke up from bed and rushed to the toilet. I saw the blood flooding the floor. Then I looked at Coan who was weeping in pain. Her chest, leg and knee were blooded. The most came from underneath her knee. The blood flew like tap water. I looked at Kakak. Her foot blooded, not as much as Coan. I was wondering, how could that happened. Then, I looked at the sink. There was no more sink. It was the sink that crushed on the floor. I trembled.

"Ya Allah.... tu la ummi dah cakap tak boleh mandi berdua. tak nak dengar... tengok apa jadi...Ya Allah... macam mana sink jatuh kakak??" I asked in quiver while looking here and there, uncertain of what to do.

"Coan nak tengok cermin. nak tengok lipstick yang dia pakai. Dia panjat lah sink. lepas tu sink jatuh... sink kena coan. kakak pun kena jugak..." Kakak explained in fear.

Abang was not home yet. Either he was at work or at the golf course. I took my handphone and called abang.

"Abang!! Abang.... abang kat mana? Abang tak balik lagi ke?"

"Belum... kenapa?"

"Abang.... balik la cepat.. Coan jatuh sink ni. penuh darah.." I wept.

"Hah? Okay la.. tunggu.." Abang said in calm

I went to look for my kids. I wanted to hold Coan but I afraid that I would only make it worse for her. Is it safe? Will I make her leg broken? I didn't know how serious her injury was. I was still looking here and there when suddenly it hit my mind to get help from my neighbor.

"Duduk sini dulu diam diam. Jangan pegi mana-mana. Tunggu ummi okay!" I told my kids.

I went out the room and run outside (I lived in a semi-D house in Bkt Rngn. So, I didn't have to go that far to call for my neighbor)

"Kak!! Kak Izan!! Kak Izan!!" I shouted

The husband came out.

"Ya, ada apa?"

"Kak Izan ada?" the nervous me.

"Ada. jap ye..."

Kak Izan came out.

"Ya neeza..." the cool (as she always is) Kak Izan

"Kak.... anak neeza berdarah kak.." me, trembling.

"Hah??? Mana?" Kak Izan looked at the road. She thought my daughter had an accident on the road.

"Dia kat dalam kak. Dia jatuh sink" almost cried.

Kak Izan came to my house. I went in and found out Coan had already walked to the front door. The blood was all over the floor.

"Coan!!!! Kenapa keluar??? kan Ummi suruh duduk dalam!!" I shouted and carried her in. I held her underarms coz' I was worried if I held her body, I would have broken her leg.

Kak Izan went in.

"Ya Allah!!! Macam mana boleh jadi macam ni??" Kak Izan shouted after looking at the blood on the floor.

"Budak budak ni kaaakk... mandi sama-sama dalam toilet. Neeza kat luar. Coan panjat sink. Sink jatuh kena Coan. Sophea pun kena jugak kat kaki.."

I can't stop my tears. I really felt like, I was the worst mother in the world. How could I let that happened. If only I was firm enough not to let them bathe together. If only I bathed them myself instead of letting them alone. If only and if only... Its too late. The accident already occured.

"Neeza!! Ada kain tak?" Kak Izan was trying to help

"Kain apa kak?" I really cried

"Dah tu... takde apa... bagi la tuala ke.. apa apa kain la...akak nak balut Coan ni. Nak hentikan darah.." Kak Izan figured out something.

I walked here and there. My brain shut. I saw a towel hanged on the chair. I took the towel and gave it to Kak Izan.

"Towel ni boleh kak?" I asked

"Guna lagi ke towel ni..?" I wasn't paying attention that Kak Izan actually asked for a used cloth to stop the bleeding.

"Takpelah kak.. pakai aje lah.." I was standing there as if Coan was not my daughter. I just looked at Kak Izan wrapped the towel around Coan and hugged her tight. Then she asked.

"Shahril mana? Dah telefon dia ke?" Kak Izan asked

"Dah kak. Dia on the way balik"

"Abis. macam mana ni? nak bawak hospital ke?"

"Bawak clinic dulu la kot. kalau apa apa hal, baru bawak hospital" I suggested without thinking

When Kak Izan said 'hospital' I was thinking about the GH. I imagined that I had to wait for the staff to come and help. Besides, I always had this fear of going to the GH. I don't know why. Everytime I went to GH, I imagine corpses, I imagine the worst accident that I've ever seen.. all bad images come into mind. Kak Izan was actually referring to the KMC (private hospital).

Kak Izan's husband came in. He wanted to bring us to the clinic. I asked Kak Izan's husband to drive my car. As soon as we went into the car, Abang came back. Kak Izan's husband came out from the car and abang went in. While driving, abang asked me,

"Nak pegi mana ni? clinic ke KMC?"

"KMC?? nak pergi KMC ke? clinic tak boleh?" I wasn't thinking at all.

"Baik pergi KMC. kalau pergi clinic, nanti dia mungkin refer ke hospital jugak. Baik terus pergi sana..." abang suggested

"Haah. betul tu neeza.."

Kak Izan agreed to abang's suggestion. It was Kak Izan who hold Coan all the way to the hospital. Kakak (Sophea) sit with me in the front seat. I glanced at Coan once in a while.

"Coan okay ke? Nape Coan diam? Coan pengsan ke kak?"

"Ish... tak la.."

Coan was so quiet when Kak Izan hold her. I scared that she would have fainted for bleeding too much.

"Coan cakap la dengan ummi. kenapa diam aje..?"

"Takpe... biarkan.. dia terkejut tu.."
Kak Izan tried to comfort me.

When we arrived, abang stopped the car in the front door. By right, we were not supposed to park our car there. But, since it was an emergency case, it was okay to do so. Abang scooped Coan up and run to the emergency room. Everyone looked (biasa la tu - the curious M@laysian). Abang was told to put Coan inside the ER. With the towel wrapped around her, Coan was so quiet. At the age of 4, I was sure she didn't quite understand things that happened to her.

The MO came and spent about 5 minutes with her. Then she came to me and asked,

"Bila last dia makan? ada dalam 4 jam tak?"

"Hmmm... dalam pukul 4 petang kat nursery tadi. Nape doctor?" I was curious

"Kami tak boleh buat apa-apa. Kami tak pasti luka dia seteruk mana. Jadi, kami kena panggil Orthopedik untuk buat ni. Dia kena masuk bilik bedah. Tapi dia tak boleh makan sekurang-kurangnya 4 jam. 4 jam..... Dalam pukul 8 boleh la kot..." The MO explained.

I felt like crying when the doctor told me they needed to bring my girl to the Operation Theatre (OT) but I had to be strong. I knew my little girl very well. The words like doctors, hospital, clinics, injection are horror to her and now, she had to undergo an operation! I could imagine the scream and shout of my Coan...

After a while, nurses came with a stretcher. They put Coan there and ready to push her to the OT. She cried and held my hand tight while laying on the stretcher. I was able to be with Coan until the waiting area of the OT. Coan was still crying. Then the doctor came and asked me to leave since they were ready to perform the surgery. Coan screamed when I walked out.

"Ummmmiiiiiiii!!!! ummmmiiiiiiii!!!! ummmmmiiii!!!!"

My tear dropped like rain. I didn't look at Coan anymore. The door was closed but I could still hear her weeping voice. I sit on the bench outside alone. Abang went home to send Kak Izan. Also, he had to pack my clothes and Coan's since we definitely needed to stay there for at least 3 days.

I remembered it was Wednesday. I still had to work on Thursday and Friday before the weekend came. I picked my phone, looked for my immediate boss phone number. None! Then I dialed my big boss number. No ring tone at all. She must have off the phone, I thought. Then I called a collague, to ask for my immediate boss number. Before I was able to get the number, I had to explain everything to her. I couldn't speak properly since I was sobbing. My friend kept telling me to be patient.

I finally managed to call my boss and told him that I wouldn't be able to come the next day and may be the day after. He told me I could take as many days I wish. Too much laaa boss.... I used up my AL okay... the leave isn't free, I thought. But, he was really kind. A few others called and asked about my girl's condition. How fast the news spreaded... I also informed my parents and siblings about the incident. They were shocked and promised to come and visit.

The operation took about an hour. It was the Orthopedic who came out and approached me. I stood up and went closer. He explained,

"Dia masih tak sedar tu. Tadi, tendon dia putus dan kami dah jahit untuk sambung semula. Saya terpaksa letak cast pada kaki dia supaya dia tak boleh bengkok kan kaki. Kalau orang tua, cast tu dekat lutut aje tapi sebab dia budak, saya letak dari peha sampai bawah."

"Apa maksud tu doctor?" I didn't understand

"Tendon tu kalau putus, ada kemungkinan dia tak boleh berjalan dengan betul atau tak boleh jalan langsung. Tapi sebab dia budak, bila kita jahit, senang sembuh dan sel masih baru. Hati-hati supaya dia tak bergerak banyak" he added

Frankly, I didn't quite understand but when he said, 'tak boleh jalan langsung' I felt so bad. A few minutes after that, I heard her weeping voice but rather slow this time.

"Ummiiiiii...... ummiiiiii......" not as loud as before the operation.

The door was opened and the nurse asked me to go in. They had pushed her to the waiting area. The operation finished and Coan had already woke up, not fully awake though. She was still in drowsiness. I could see she tried to lift her leg. Perhaps, she could feel the burden on the leg. The cast was all the way from her upper thigh down her left foot. Pity my little girl... I couldn't stand looked at her leg casted like that. My eyes watered. I controlled but the tear dropped and kept dropping fast.

I hugged her and consoled her but she kept crying. She asked me to lift her up but I was afraid I would make it worse for her. The cast would have broken. What about the leg. Is it safe for me to lift her? I just bent my body and caress her, hoping that she would sleep. But, she kept crying and telling me it was painful.

"Ummiii... sakitttt.... ummi.... sakitttt...." she wept in drowsiness

Abang came. We decided to bring her to the ward. She still wept when nurses put her on the bed. The nurse injected pain killer on her hand. Soon after that, she went to sleep. After that, Abang went back since Kakak had to go to school the next day. Coan was supposed to go to school (kindergarten) too but with her condition, its just not possible.

At night, whenever she was awake, she cried. She wanted to move but the leg made it difficult for her. It made her very frustrated.

The next day, while I was reading a magazine, Coan asked my permission to go down the bed. I told her not too. But, not after a minute, I saw Coan was already down. My eyes rounded. She moved her body using her b*tt bit by bit and finally managed to go down. She dragged fet left foot to be able to walk.

The doctor came when she was looking out the window.

"Hah?? Dah turun katil. Tak boleh niii...." the doctor told her.

But, my 4 year old daughter wouldn't understand that. Her life is full of fun - running, climbing and jumping! She can't sit still. Its just not her (ikut perangai ummi masa kecik la ni. Asyik memanjat aje... heheheheee)

Doctor inspected her leg. The cast moved a bit and she was able to bend her knee a bit.

"Kita kena tukar la cast ni. Saya buat keliling pulak. kat bawah ni saya biarkan kosong supaya ada angin dapat masuk" the doctor suggested.

The next day, we went to the ER (the cast was done there). Doctor cut the first cast and put a new one. Cool stuff! It was only like a cloth at first. When the water was put, it harden. Like putting water on in cement its just that this one looks like a hard plastic.

After 4 days stayed in KMC, Coan was allowed to go home, provided she took all the prescribed medicine and took care of her leg.

After a few follow up visits and after a new cast was put again (yes, because Coan moved a lot as well as the cast), the leg healed. Still, doctor reminded Coan not to jump anymore. Coan is Coan. Jumping is her life. Until now she still like to jump, run and climb. She even climbed her closet and sit at the top (it was a 7 feet closet). I just hope nothing serious happen to her again.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Coan - my resemblance

Many said - Sobhan looks like me, including ma, my sister and my brothers. They said 'Coan ni fotostat kakok'. Why do I call her Coan? Her name is Sobhan. I know its pretty weird, sounds like a male name. But, the name was in the female name section when abang looked for the name in that 'nama-nama yang baik di dalam islam' (more or less - tak ingat la the title of the book).

When she was born, abang really wanted to name her Sobhan. I disagreed. Honestly speaking, I didn't like the name (at first) though the meaning is good - Pretty face. I told abang it wasn't fair. He has named the first child. I should name the 2nd one. Then he asked me to write few names on different piece of papers and he wrote only 1 name - Sobhan. All papers were folded. He asked me to choose. 1st time, I chose Sobhan. 2nd time, still Sobhan was elected. I wasn't satisfied. I chose again and still Sobhan. Mungkin itulah kehendak Allah... I had to agree then and now I think the name suits her well.

My siblings made a joke about the name. Susah la nak sebut. Nanti orang panggil Sob... sob apa? sop tulang... Then ma suggested to call her 'Coan'. At first we didn't like it. After a while, we start to call her Coan. Her friends called her Coan. Her teacher called her Coan and I think people know her better as Coan than Sobhan. At her new school (in Al Jubail), she spelled her name as COAN. The teacher kept correcting her. When she came back, she asked me 'ummi kenapa cikgu buat macam ni' I told her 'Memang la nama Coan yang sebenar Sobhan. Coan tu nama ummi panggil aje'. Though it was difficult for her to adjust (since she's only 5), she managed to remember her name is Sobhan.

Coan is indeed a very 'manja' girl. She used to be like kakak (Sophea) who will go 'gesel gesel' like a cat to you when her 'mood' comes (like kakak or like me? Masa kecil, I always did that to mok. the proof was the picture yang ayah ambil... kat k3m@m@n la tapinya). Caretaker kat nursery always remember her as a 'manja girl'. She's also friendly. The teachers selalu cerita pasal Coan. Coan did this, Coan did that. Coan kacau anak orang. Coan tak nak belajar... macam macam...

When she was 4, Coan attended to the same kindergarten that Sophea attended. One of the teacher didn't know Coan was Sophea's sister. She thought 'Coan' was a chinese girl. She said 'diorang dok cerita coan, coan... saya pelik.. ada ke budak cina kat sini.. baru lah saya tahu rupanya Coan ni adik Sophea....'

I was pregnant to Coan when Sophea was abot 11 months. It was 4 months after I resigned from my HR Exec post and moved to Ku@nt@n (to be with my hunnybunny). We didn't plan the pregnancy at all. It happened. An 'accident' that hurt me a little me coz I had a C-Sec before. The advice is usually to gap the pregnancy at least 2 years after the C-Sec. But I got pregnant after 11 months! I was scared and a bit stressed. I wasn't ready to take care of a new baby (it was still in the womb though) when my first was only 11 months. Pity Sophea. Tak dapat manja lebih lebih. May be that is why she always compare herself to Coan before and Shahmey now...

Alhamdulillah, besides the mixed feelings, I managed to go through the pregnancy. When the doctor told us, 'its a girl', still I was hoping for a miracle. But not that much. I thought, 'okay jugak kalau girl. boleh la pakai baju2 Sophea masa kecil... tak payah nak beli banyak sangat baju baru'. And it turned out that we didn't bought many new outfits for her. Kesian la pulak my 2nd daughter ni... Tapi after coming back from KMC, I went to purchase some more baju for her...

Hmmm, I haven't write about the 'moment' yet. History repeats itself. Due to the baby size calculation, I should be due on 16 March 2002. Abang's friend hold a wedding ceremony (sambut menantu) in KT on the 15 March 2002. Since a week before that, the doctor said, 'the baby is not yet closed to the openings' we decided to go to KT. We wanted to leave Sophea with ma at K3m@m@n. So, on 14 March, we went back to K3m@m@n and overnight there. Early morning on the 15 March, I felt pain on my back. The same pain on 17th July 2000. I told abang about it. Abang asked me whether I think its okay to go to KT. I said 'entahlah bang' Then he decided not to go. So, we went to another friend's house (he's also going to KT) and passed the wedding present.

Leaving Sophea with ma, we rushed to KMC. Dr Z did internal check up and told me, 'not yet. Still high. You balik la dulu. Kalau sakit lebih kerap, then datang.' Oh well oh well... I had the same experience before and I think I wanted to stay. I told the doctor, 'Saya rasa saya nak duduk ward la doctor.' The doctor showed one kind of face (Agaknya dia fikir, budak ni tak percaya kat aku la ni. I'm the doctor or yourself?) That was what I thought because she kept saying, 'lambat lagi. Lagipun rumah you dekat aje kan...'. I still insisted to stay. Reluctantly (its not because she had to pay for my bill but may be because I didn't agree with what she had suggested), she said 'okay, saya akan minta nurse arrange a room for you'

It was about 11am. The 'ghesa' kept coming. I stayed in the ward doing nothing (doctor kata lambat lagi kan. Takde la dia nak letak air ke, ubat ke...) Of course abang was there with me (keluar masuk la jugak once in a while). The pain came more often. At about 1.30pm, I felt like going to toilet. When I p**, there was blood together with my urine. I remember ma told me, 'tanda nak bersalin ada 2. Satu, ketuban pecah, satu lagi keluar darah. Kalau tanda darah, sakit sikit nak bersalin'. I knew its the sign! Wah wah... since the sign is different from Sophea, it must be a boy!! hehehe, I thought (Despite the scan that shows 'its female' duhhhh!!!).

I press the button for the nurse. When she came, I told her, there was blood in my urine. She checked and confirmed the opening was already 2cm! (Orang cakap dah nak bersalin tak percaya... I said to myself). She went to see the doctor and came back. She told me to wait till a few more openings. It was about 7pm that the nursed brought me to the deilvery room (since I requested to have a normal delivery).

I was really in pain. A severe one. Only God Knows... I kept asking the doctor to give me pain killers, oxygen or whatever it was to reduce the pain. When the nurse gave me morphine (I think its morphine that cause me really dorwsy), I was like a bit sleepy. It lasted only a while. The pain came again but the opening has stopped. A longggg stop. Stucked at 7cm until 12 midnight. Dr H told me, 'Saya bagi you peluang sampai 1 pagi. Kalau tak buka lagi, kita kena operate. Kalau buka 1cm je lagi, saya boleh forcep.'

It was 1 am but the opening was only 7cm. Ya Allah, I know it's gonna be another C-Sec, I thought. Yes, indeed, the doctor has arranged for the anesthetician to come, already at 12am. But, I didn't know what made the anesthetician took so long to come. The operation was supposed to be at 1am. But, due to the lateness, I had to wait, in pain of course.

They already prepared me for the C-Sec. I waited at the waiting room with abang. How can I describe myself then. I was like a fish being caught. A fish laid on the land (struggle in the worst pain in my life). I held abang's hand tight, really tight. My nails left blooded wound on his hand, in which I didn't realize at all. Pity him.

The pain made me to push (macam sakit nak ber@k. kan rasa nak teran aje). When nurses saw me pushing, they came and said 'kak jangan teran kan. nanti bengkak' the hell! First, I didn't know (even until now actually) what's gonna be 'bengkak' (swollen). 2ndly, they were very young and I doubt they have even get married. Of couse, they were not yet pregnant. How could they feel the pain that I went through.

Dr H came and told me, 'kita tunggu Dr A aje sekarang ni. dah lama saya call dia tapi tak sampai lagi. Sabar kejap ye' Oh yessss... I'm waiting and I'm waiting in pain...

Finally Dr A came! They pushed me to the OT (Operation Theater). Dr A came and talked to me (while he was holding my wrist to inject me with the anesthetic). I only remember an injection was given and after a while, I felt really sleepy. I was awake (still can't open my eyes though) when the nurses transferred me to my bed in my room. I could hear them talking to each other but felt very weak. It was about 4am.

I could only open my eyes about an hour after that. I saw abang. I remember asking abang the time. He said, we had another girl and she was delivered at 2.21am. The weight was 3.03kg. Hmmm.. Only 0.03kg more than Sophea. Sophea was born at 8.05am with a weight of 3.00kg. I managed to grin. Takpelah, I thought. Alhamdulillah... girl pun okay...

This time, I didn't eat ikan haruan anymore. Abang bought me pati ikan haruan. Also, I ate the them in tablet form. I went through the 'pantang period' in my 'not-so-pantang' style. Heheheheee....